Sharing a diagnosis with your child or young adult can be filled with uncertainty and a difficult conversation to navigate. This conversation can feel overwhelming. Many families worry about finding the right words or choosing the perfect moment. 

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But here's the thing: there's no single "right" way to approach this topic. There are, however, strategies that can help make the conversation more meaningful and positive for everyone involved.

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In this blog, I'll share seven practical tips to help guide these important conversations, plus some insights on timing that can make all the difference for your family.

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When to share the diagnosis

There is no right or wrong time to share with your child that they are autistic. Each family's journey is unique, and the timing should feel natural rather than forced.

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If your child starts asking questions or begins to notice that there may be differences between themselves and their peers, this is a great indicator that they are looking for more information and a potential explanation. 

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7 Tips for These Conversations

1. Keep It Positive

The way you frame autism sets the foundation for how your child will view themselves. Share that autism is just one part of who they are, not something that defines them completely. Emphasize that autism is not something to be ashamed of or to hide from others.

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Focus on the things they excel at and the unique strengths that make them who they are. Let them know they have the unwavering support of their family, and that this news doesn't change how much you love them.

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When children hear about their diagnosis in a positive, accepting environment, they're more likely to develop a healthy relationship with their identity.

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2. Normalize That Everyone Has Differences

Help your child understand that diversity is a natural part of being human. Talk about how everyone comes in different sizes, shapes, colors, and likes different things—and that's perfectly okay! Explain that everyone's brain is unique to them, and no two brains are exactly the same.

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Providing specific examples that are relatable to your child can make this concept more concrete. You might say something like:

• “Mommy has a hard time doing math, but you are really great at math!”
• “Your friend Tommy has glasses, and you don’t!” 
• “Your brother likes loud music, and you prefer it to be quiet.”
• “Your body needs a lot of movement, and my body prefers to be still.”

These comparisons help children see that differences are normal and that everyone has their own unique set of strengths and challenges.

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3. Use Easy-to-Understand Words and Pictures

For younger children especially, visual aids and simple language can make complex topics more accessible. Social stories are particularly effective tools—these are short, personalized stories that focus on teaching new skills and discussing different topics in a way that's tailored specifically to your child.

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There are also many excellent books available for various age ranges that discuss autism in child-friendly ways. Keep explanations simple and age-appropriate. There's no need to go into complex discussions unless your child enjoys deep diving into topics or shows genuine interest in learning more detailed information.

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4. Ask If They Have Questions

Create an open environment where your child feels comfortable asking questions. Be honest and straightforward with any questions they may have, while keeping your answers appropriate for their developmental level.

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If your child has access to electronics and the internet, this is also a good time to guide them toward safe, age-appropriate resources where they can learn more if they're interested.

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Remember that questions may not come all at once. Some children need time to process information before they're ready to ask follow-up questions. Let them know that they can always come to you with questions, whether it's immediately after your conversation or weeks later.

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5. Provide Reassurance

One of the most important messages you can convey is that your love for them is unconditional and that their diagnosis doesn't change your love for them. Children need to hear explicitly that they are valued, loved, and accepted exactly as they are.

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Consider sharing stories of other autistic professionals, family members, or friends (with their permission, of course). This helps children understand that autistic people can live fulfilling, successful lives and that they're part of a larger community.

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6. Explain the "Why" and Encourage Exploration

Ever hear "why do I have to go to therapy?" This conversation provides a perfect opportunity to explain the purpose behind their therapies. You can tell your child the goals of therapy and allow them to be involved in the process as appropriate for their age and understanding.

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Make it clear that the goal is not to "fix" or "change" their diagnosis, but instead to support them in navigating the world more effectively.

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For example, you might explain ABA therapy by saying, "ABA therapy supports learning new skills, just like school does. You might learn new ways to express yourself, work through difficult emotions, become more independent, and practice playing with friends. Are these things you'd like to learn? Is there anything specific you'd like to practice during therapy, or are there things that you don't enjoy?"

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This approach helps children feel like active participants in their own growth and development.

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7. Teach Them to Advocate

One of the most valuable life skills you can help your child develop is self-advocacy. Work on helping them speak up for themselves in different scenarios that might be challenging for your child.

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This could include asking for help when they need it, communicating their sensory needs, or explaining their differences to others when appropriate. Teaching self-advocacy skills early on helps build confidence and prepares children to navigate various social and academic situations throughout their lives.

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You Know Your Child Best

All in all, you know your child best! There is no “one size fits all” approach to talking about autism. Some children may be uninterested and matter-of-fact about their diagnosis. Others may seek the “whys,” “hows,” and “what comes next for me”. All reactions and feelings are valid. 

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If you are interested in talking to your child about their diagnosis but don’t know where to start, reach out to your BCBA for tips and support. At BPI, our team is here to support you every step of the way. Give us a call at (888) 308-3728 to talk with our new client team today!